Buying your first sex toy can be an exciting and simultaneously overwhelming task, especially if you are still discovering what feels good for you or your partner(s). Social and cultural factors can contribute to feelings of embarrassment or shame around sexuality. However, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using a toy to enhance your sexual experiences, as long as you are taking care of yourself and others in the process. Finding the right sex toy can be a beautiful and empowering act of self-care and self-love. It can also introduce new sensations into your solo or partnered play.
The first step is to get introspective and research what type of toy might be right for you. Consider what features or functions are important to you. Browsing online can be an accessible way to explore what's available. Are there particular kinks or types of sensations that interest you? Are you looking for something to enhance solo play or to add variety to partnered sex? Are you interested in internal stimulation, external stimulation, or both?
Some toys vibrate while others don’t, and the feel and patterns of vibration can vary widely between manufacturers. Some toys have remotes and work with apps, while others have manual controls. Regardless of the functionality you choose, it's best practice to ensure the materials of your toy are safe for your body. Body-safe or medical-grade silicone, metal, and glass are great materials to start with. If you are ever unsure about a toy's material, using a condom can provide a safe barrier.
You can ask trusted friends for recommendations or check online forums for reviews, but remember that people’s anatomy and responses to various stimuli are individual. What feels amazing to one person may not feel as fantastic to someone else. There’s no need to rush your journey toward pleasure.
Once you have a general idea of what you're looking for, it's time to start shopping. The idea of walking into a sex shop can be daunting, especially if it's your first time. While you can purchase items online, nothing compares to checking out a toy in person. The staff at sex shops are usually friendly and nonjudgmental and can be a great resource. They may ask you questions to make informed suggestions and help you find the right toy.
Once you've found your new toy, set aside some time to experiment with it, either alone or with a partner. Take your time and listen to your body. It’s important to note that there may be a learning curve as you discover how to use the toy and how your or your partner’s body responds. You may need to try a few different toys to see what works best for you or what suits your particular desires on a given day.
Proper care for your new toy is essential. Lubricant is your friend when using sex toys, and it's important to use a lube compatible with the material of your toy. You can use any kind of lube with glass or metal toys, but silicone toys should only be paired with water-based or oil-based lubricants. Most sex toys come with instructions for cleaning and maintenance, so be sure to read and follow them carefully to keep your toy in top condition. Store your toys in a dust-free, safe spot and clean them before each use.
Remember, sex toys are all about self-discovery, so embrace the experience with an open mind and a sense of curiosity. Above all, be kind to yourself – you deserve all the pleasure and joy in the world.
Written with intention by Athalie Paynting